Opinions, opinions, and then some.

I got plenty. What about you?

I have realized how many opinions I have and how often they are unfriendly or unconstructive.

You might not believe it, but it was not always this way.

I remember being at a family party where they were discussing something. To be honest, I am not sure what the conversation was about. All I remember is them looking at me and asking for my opinion. Before I could respond, another family member said, “She never has an opinion of her own; she just agrees with whatever someone says.”

Some of them began to laugh, and the person probably felt bad because he tried to soften his words. But then he added, “Well, it is true; you do not have an opinion of your own.” You simply agree with one person and then with the other.”

I felt so embarrassed and hurt. I had no idea how he saw me. I guess that is how everyone else saw me, because no one spoke up for me. I just wished the ground would open and I could disappear. To simply slip into the hole without being noticed.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. The ground did not open up and swallow me whole. I sat there, pretended it did not bother me, and simply smiled.

When I got home, I swore that no one would ever say that I have no opinion. I turn from a weak person who is not able to express her thoughts to a person who gives opinions left and right.

To be honest, it gave me a new sense of confidence. People began to complain that I was too direct. So I softened my tone by asking, “Are you sure you want my opinion?”

Growing up, I saw how opinions ruined relationships. I saw friends and family members stop talking to each other or get into a fist fight just because they did not like the other person’s opinion. I even believed that this was how wars started. So, yes, I often held back my opinion because I did not want to lose the friendship or start a fight.

I admired those who could express themselves constructively. I was also curious to see how the other person would react. Most of the time, the person on the receiving end wanted to disappear too, which triggered something in me. I either spoke up for the person and gave the other person my two cents, or I said it was not cool when I had a moment alone with that person.

Now, I’ve become that person.

Do you give your opinion when no one asks for it?

I have noticed that my opinions have become a weapon for me, a way for me to protect myself when I am feeling vulnerable and have no clarity or feel manipulated.

I went from flight or freeze to fight mode by shooting out opinions that often sound like judgement.

Do you respond with flight, fight, or freeze?

Is it not time to say good-by? It is for me. Because it is not working for me.

I know it won’t be easy, but I believe it is worth it.
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Isn’t it?